shifting expectations

The worry has been a constant in our lives. It is hard to let go. We have learned to anticipate the worst. We have come to expect challenges and setbacks. We are always bracing ourselves for a long and rough road. We prepare for patience and endurance. We scale our expectations to avoid disappointment.

Nevertheless, James' progress continue to astound and amaze. It is absolutely beyond belief. It borders on the miraculous. We are waiting for the trend to slow to a plateau or more gradual pace. It is almost as though James and I are afraid to accept this excitement and joy. It doesn't seem real on some level.

Of course, James and I hope to be the exception. We always did, and I suppose, I still desire that same sense of optimism. The difficulties lie in knowledge of post-transplant realities. This is even more the case with re-transplant. We really do exchange one set of problems for a another, but then again, it is a completely different magnitude.

The ability to breathe is a gift without word for expression of gratitude. James is still on life support, but I know that James will breathe independently again. This is a realization of enormous hope. We need to learn to antipcate the best.