Monday, June 29, 2015

sharing our joy

I have knowingly neglected this blog for a couple of months. We continue to write short updates on James' Quest For Lungs, but I rarely return to the blog for longer posts. The purpose of the blog had been a form of coping and catharsis, and of course, I was also able to update our dear family and friends during a state of on-going crisis. James and I both have great support systems, and I don't have the same need to write. My life is a balancing act of limited time and energy, and I prefer to spend my free hours away from the computer screen. I am making slow and steady progress on my graduate degree, and I am also working two different part-time positions. James continues to write in hopes of future publication, and has been able to remain very active without limitations. We are enjoying the normalcy of relative health, and projecting our dreams further and further into the future. 

We continue to celebrate the passage of time, but James and I also cycle through periods of grief with the uncertainties of that future. James was given a prognosis of two years based on the median survival outcomes for re-transplant. We recognize that these numbers do not accurately reflect or represent individual differences (or the numerous factors that have the potential to impact post-transplant survival), but James and I still contend with the realities of his mortality. James' two year re-transplant anniversary was laden with a lot of heavy emotion, and I found it hard to shift towards celebration. Can you believe it has been two years? Our bodies continue to hold onto the trauma of James' second double lung transplant, and James and I are forced to acknowledge the grief and fears that continue to lurk below the surface. I truly believe that the re-emergence of these intense emotions was an important part of the milestone, and I am grateful for the reminder to focus on the day to day that is within our control.

In December, James and I wrote to expect big changes for the coming year. We are beyond elated to share those changes with you: Organ donation did not only save James' life. It also made another life possible. There is a little one kicking away below my keyboard. We are expecting a daughter in a few short months! There are not enough words to express our immense gratitude for the opportunity to become parents together! We feel pure and complete joy with each day closer and closer to our daughter's arrival! Our lives truly feel miraculous.

Thank you, Gemm Photography!