Wednesday, June 19, 2013


Slowing down is hard without feeling some level of discouragement. These long-term hospitalizations tend to wear down our patience. James and I are ready to move beyond the stage of perpetual waiting (for, well, everything). Our lives have been on hold for almost a year now. We are ready for change. We are desperate to start out lives together.

Time will always be precious for us. We have no illusions of health. We have no real sense of James' long-term prognosis. (The median survival for re-transplant is two years). We no longer believe that we will be the exception. We are driven to live with complete joy and happiness, and of course, in the absence of pain. We have learned acceptance of that which is beyond our control. We will never be completely free from fears. These fears act as a reminder to live within the moment. I am grateful for that perspective.

Our challenge right now is weaning from the ventilator. We are trying to determine a balance in moving forward without leading to backwards movement from aggressive change. We have to remind ourselves that James is still in the early stages of recovery. We have to embrace the passage of time, and learn to allow ourselves to slow down. We have to account for time in the healing process. We don't want to work against ourselves. We are fortunate to have hope and optimism on our side.

The pace is not as important as the direction of movement. James continues to move forward. That will have to be enough for now.

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