Thursday, June 6, 2013


There are no changes to report. James is fighting for his life, but James is still alive. James is still here. There is still a lot of fight left in him. His body will heal with time. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that James will recover. Yet, I ache in my sadness. I ache in my fears. I ache in my loneliness. The darkness has an unbearable weight. I am broken without James.
There is still room to care for James in his delicate state. I seek ways to nurture. I take gentle care to wash the salty residue from his skin and oil from his beautiful curls. I massage lotion into his palms. I rest a cool washcloth on his forehead, and wipe the sweat from his cheeks. I speak to him in a soft voice. I give voice to our hopes and dreams. I hope that James feels my love within his deep sleep. 


  1. I am not sure what your belief is, but I believe God is watching over you both.He hears you . Please stay strong .My thoughts and prayers are with you each and every day.xoxoDonna

  2. Just a fellow cf'er and recipient who's rooting for you guys. If you're looking for something else to do for James, I remember my neck being so stiff and sore when I finally came to. It may not be possible right now but at some point, if you could massage the back of his neck, I know he'll appreciate it when it comes time to wake up again.

  3. Adena, I believe that James can hear you, and knows that you are watching over him. I would imagine that the healthy, life-loving man in his battling body longs to be in the world outside, with you by his side. It occurs to me that you can bring him this world, a little, by taking a few moments for yourself to go forth and experience it. I know you want to be close by -- and thinking of Toronto, I'm thinking of other things that are also close by Toronto General. I imagine you walking over to Spadina to eat a noodle soup... walking through a park nearby... riding a couple of blocks on the street car and watching the people... sitting outside and seeing the beautiful blue of the sky at sunset... and bringing stories of these little adventures back to your love until he can join you in having them, and many more adventures besides. Just a thought. We all wish we could do more.