Monday, October 29, 2012

two months in Toronto

It is hard to believe that James and I have been back in Toronto for almost two months. 

We want to be honest about the realities of our situation. We are still sorting through a lot of emotions about being listed for re-transplant. There are a lot of thoughts and feelings to process. The hope of re-transplant does not negate the fear and sadness, but James and I always seek to focus on the positive. We truly experience a deep sense of gratitude for one another. We hold onto every single moment of laughter and joy. We are very fortunate to have opportunity and access to advanced medical care. There may not be guarantees (and everything can change in an instant), but James and I can find hope in the possibilities of re-transplant.

James is back at the gym three times a week. The exhaustion and fatigue persists, but James perseveres through the aches and pains. He is looking forward to building back some strength and endurance. These benefits will be exceptionally important during James' post-transplant recovery period.

We have been spending a lot of time together. We don't focus on the disease. We reminisce about the last few years together. We laugh a lot. We even try to sing and dance. This also tends to result in laughter. It is not difficult to succumb to laughter. That is the power of our love. We have a deep and strong connection. It withstands the pain and grows through the struggle. It might be that newlywed glow, but I don't imagine that it will change any time soon. We try to imagine a different future for ourselves. It is a future that includes everything from the hours that follow, to the coming weeks in Toronto, and settling back into our little nest in Victoria. 

We find comfort and security in the presence of one another. We clasp our hands and touch our feet together at night. There is reassurance. We will wake again and share another day together. We have a lot to be grateful for.

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