Friday, February 15, 2013

tracheostomy

James has been pleading with the doctors to extubate him for several days. He was finding it impossible to cope with the discomforts and fears associated with a tube down his throat. All efforts to bring him a sense of calm had come with failure. The sensation of breathlessness is one of incredible fear and terror. There has been no relief in pill form (or relaxation techniques that require focus).

James' reprieve came in the form of a tracheostomy. It was a fast procedure, and it had an immediate impact. James' vital signs are within a normal range for the first time in more than a week. He is a lot more comfortable. He is a lot more calm. He is able to smile at me, and mouth words, or in the least, those all so important sweet words of love for one another. I read to him from a book of Pablo Neruda love poems, and James closes his eyes, squeezes my hands, and with no panic, takes deep breaths (with the support of the ventilator).

He also confronted another major challenge today: James walked a couple steps (with a lot of physical support) for the first time in more than a week. The best part was being able to wrap my arms around him, and feel James reciprocate. The hug brought me to tears. I crave that warmth alone at night. There are no more words.

14 comments:

  1. Mario and I are following your posts and praying for you both.

    Judy & Mario

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    1. Thank you, Judy and Mario. It warms our hearts to know we are in your thoughts and prayers.

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  2. That even brought tears to my eyes. I can understand him not wanting that tube down his throat. Us with breathing issues get clastrophobic with things in our way of breathing. I flipped out when they were trying to put the ventalator on me at one time when I was in ICU, I fought that so much, no way were they going to cover my mouth and nose. It's a panic feeling. I am so happy the trach worked miracles on James. You 2 look so happy together, you have brightened up his life so much. I remember just before we left having a convo with James, knowing he was to leave very soon as well. I asked him what he was going to do about leaving you in Toronto, he said there would be no way that he would or could. At that point I knew you made him happy and was so happy for you both. Thanks for keeping us updated, I worry daily about him. Sending my love to you both.

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    1. Thank you for holding us so close and being so understanding. We appreciate your love.

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  3. Thank goodness for the peace on his face, and the peace and warmth you must feel knowing that he is calmer now. Better days, now.

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  4. So happy this was able to happen for James and for you Adena!
    The corner has been turned, with less panic and anxiety I'm sure the warrior in James will shine thru and infections better be afraid, very afraid!
    xoxo

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    1. We do have warrior men in our lives, that is for sure! Hugs and kisses, dear.

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  5. Such a heart wrenching story.
    My nephew also has CF. And whenever he gets sick its a big dilema and all kinds of thoughts run thru your head.
    My thoughts and prayers are with James.

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    1. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers. We need positive thoughts for James, and your nephew. xoxo.

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  6. I'm so relieved to read this; last night I had a dream and in it I was reading positive news in your blog. Later this morning I was feeling a sadness because I realized it had only been a dream. I'm sending so much positive energy your way; James is an incredible, inspirational person and I have faith that he will stay strong. Love, love, love.
    M

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    1. Thank you, M, for carrying us in your thoughts and dreams. He truly is remarkable, isn't he? Thank you for your love, love, love.

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  7. Every positive moment is so encouraging. You're not alone, we are with you in spirit.
    Love to you both, Susan and Carl

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    1. Thank you for you love, Susan and Carl.

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