waiting day

We spent the day in a calm anticipation. There were fears and anxieties, but also, a complete readiness for surgery. It was a hard day without the addition of overwhelming emotion. James has been very sick with nausea and vomiting, and word of a donor did not bring reprieve from his symptoms. The pneumonia (Pseudomonas) has also meant an increase in secretions and shortness of breath. The pain and discomfort seemed to heighten the desperation for transplant.

We waited for hours to hear about the viability of the donor lungs. There were continuous words of caution about the high instances of false alarms. We have learned to live with levels of uncertainties and unpredictabiliies. We held each other close (and closer). We left nothing unsaid, and all that was left was a cuddle and a handheld.

We have the privilege of an exceptional team of medical professionals. James was given a small amount of sedation in his ICU room. This was a special consideration to ease Jamie's anxieties, and allow for a proper good-bye before heading to surgery. James was finally taken to the OR at around 1:00am on Wednesday, May 29th. This new "lungiversary" is also two years to the date of James' discharge from the hospital after his first double lung transplant. I retreated to the waiting room, shaking and teary-eyed, and hoping for an escape into a sleep that still hasn't come. 

There have been no updates from the surgical team. James will be in the OR for at least another four to five hours. I long to look upon him, hold his hands, and be near to him again. He will be in sedation for a few days. I will continue to update as I am able (and awake). There will never be enough words to express our gratitude. Love. Love. Love.