home from hospital

James is back from the hospital. The joy of his presence in the house again allows incessant worrying to be replaced with a more reasonable and relative level of concern. We are settling back into a routine, re-adjusting to the changes in James' health status, and re-establishing another sense of "normal". Our fears remain, but it does not compete with the love that continues to grow between us. Our resilience in the face of on-going crisis is remarkable even to ourselves. We are constantly discovering a new found sense of strength. We hold each other closer to navigate through the rapid changes and process a spectrum of emotions. The fears seems to subside with an exceptional gratitude for another day together. We continue to hope for a second double-lung transplant, but there is still a need to ground ourselves in the moment, and make the very most of our days.

Ophelia seems to share the same enthusiasm at James' return from the hospital, but of course, refuses to overtly demonstrate affection (on film, that is). It would allow for anthropomorphism on an entirely different level. She's been roaming our little home with a playfulness that has been almost entirely absent in the last few weeks of transition. She's seems to be adapting along with the rest of us, and also making her presence known. 

It has been nine months since my Bubie passed away. She was a remarkable woman with a love of life (right to the very end). She was truly the life of each and every party, and being with her, there was always a party to be had. The memories of her last few weeks are heavy with emotion. My fears for James are compounded by these memories, and an ever-lingering grief from this loss. I am all too familiar with end-stage lung disease, but I also know that there is still a lot of life to be had. These are among the reasons that James and I make a conscious effort to laugh on a daily basis and to surround ourselves with love.

We are so grateful for our growing book of love. Thanks you for all the cards of love and support. We are amazed by the kindness of loved ones and even faraway strangers (who have become dear friends). We may purchase a bulletin board and transfer these lovely cards (and add some colour to our home).