It has been a difficult transition. There is a process of letting go, or rather, a re-framing of our dreams for the future. We need to allow ourselves to envision a different future (without holding onto grief). We have not lost our dreams. This is simply another path to them. We still have the shared happiness and joy that defines our relationship. We find hope and optimism in each other. I have said it before, and I truly believe that James and I grow together in strength through the adversities of life. We are not strangers to the pain. It only serves as a reminder of the importance of gratitude. We take full advantage of our time together from one moment to the next. We look to each other and smile. There are still reasons to celebrate.
This weekend, James and I enjoyed some relaxation and fully met our cuddle quota for both canine and feline friends with four dogs and three cats at my father's house:
We also went to Word on the Street. This book and magazine festival was also the location of our third date together. We visited The Grid booth and started a discussion about Dating Diaries and a possible re-print of Jon and Amy, a well-received story about our first date (with pseudonyms). We hope that in consideration of the positive reception, James and I might be able to raise some awareness about the importance of organ donation (and low donor registry rates in Toronto at only 13%). Of course, there is also hope that publicity could also help in our personal campaign to finance our re-location to Toronto for transplant. We spoke with a writer at the booth. Our story was immediately recognized, and a nearby couple even requested a photo of us. We were encouraged to re-contact Dating Diaries about these inquiries.
We continued to walk around with silly paper crowns, browsed through books, magazines and comics, and enjoyed an ever so inspiring talk and interview with David Suzuki and Jeff Rubin:
James has an appointment with the Toronto General Hospital transplant clinic in about a week. We hope to gain a better sense of his prognosis, and the course of treatment available, including assessment and evaluation for a second double lung transplant. James' lung function appears to be stable (with some normal variation in both directions), but I am weary of the weight loss (and a history of gastrointestinal problems that have been associated with James' weight status). I am learning to become an active and assertive advocate, but I also have a tendency towards feeling overwhelmed and helpless. It is a fine balance.