packing

I packed four boxes this afternoon to ship our belongings back home to British Columbia. There will definitely be another three to four boxes to pack. We have managed to accumulate a lot in this last year. We had twenty-four hours to pack and get on a flight to Toronto. We arrived with a single suitcase, large backpack, and a miserable feline (with few thoughts for household necessities, or winter preparations). Our comforts from home were shipped in the following months, along with a lot of thoughtful gifts of support and encouragement from family and friends in different parts of the world. We managed to create a reasonable home environment in Toronto, but James was rarely outside the confines of Toronto General Hospital, (spare a few weeks here or there).

I am proud to report that I am leaving with a single box of books. That has been a serious act of self-control. Of course, I was rarely able to focus enough to read during those long months, and I am starting to embrace the convenience of e-books. On the other hand, I cannot make the same claim for my accumulation of knitting projects. We are thoroughly prepared for a rare winter storm on the West Coast. The rest of these boxes are complete with miscellaneous art supplies, board and card games, and gifts from the last year of holidays and celebrations. 

A large majority of household items and furniture will return to the street. Toronto has been very generous with curbside furniture in reasonable condition. Spread the world in the transplant community: James and I have a lot of household basics to spare and share. We bought everything from garbage cans, to a broom and mop, baking utensils, and a cutlery drawer organizer. We discovered the need for a can opener after a long day at the hospital. A corkscew was also a necessity for survival. We would love to find these items a home rather than send them to a landfill.

This is the first major step in preparation (and acknowledgement) of our move. I feel the excitement starting to build, but I also feel very disconnected and almost mechanical in preparation for our move. We are still in shock. There is a lot of disbelief. We are only beginning to surface from the painful experiences of this last year in Toronto. We want to be able to completely embrace James' health, but I am waiting for the fear to subside. 

We move with cautious optimism for the future. James has only been well for a relatively short period of time in comparison to the last year of living on the edge of survival. We are confident that James will continue to heal, but it is exceptionally hard to let go of the past. I suppose that James and I also need to pack away these memories. They should only serve as precious reminders of the precarious nature of our lives. This is an essential perspective to continue to live with gratitude for each and every moment together.

I cannot end this post without a word to James' health. There have been few changes. James' immune status is a lot better in regards to the dangers of low white cell counts. We are also seeing improvements in James' blood glucose levels with on-going Diabetes Education at the CF Clinic. He is a lot more stable with the addition of a second type of insulin. His physiotherapy regime includes regular increases to frequency, duration, and intensity of exercise. His lung status remains the same with a slight increase in capacity for exhalation. 

The largest concern is James' nutritional status and weight loss. He continues to face daily episodes of nausea and vomiting, and has to force every bite due to a complete lack of appetite. This should not come at a surprise. James has long-standing gastrointestinal issues. He also has to re-learn the use of his digestive system after nearly seven months on Total Parenteral Nutrition (a nutrition delivery system directly into his veins). He has been doing well the last few days with high calories smoothies and milkshakes. It seems to be a lot easier to manage liquids.

Finally, a word from James: 

Hi everybody, 
Thank you so much for all your support. I can't wait to be back in Victoria and to see all my friends again.
Love, love, love!