making it through

James is, in his words, miserable. This extended hospital stay is wearing him down. He is longing is for the comforts and privacies of being at home. The feelings of fatigue and weakness, along with limited mobility, translate further into a sense of confinement. His sadness and discouragement are completely valid. It has been nearly three weeks in the hospital. It would be hard for anyone to hold onto hope (and hope is hard to come by in the hospital). We are trying to stay positive, and I do everything that I can to lift his spirits. It is difficult to feel as though we are moving forward, or least, in the direction of discharge, without a discharge plan, and with all these building uncertainties. The hospital is one long perpetual wait.

We also have to come to terms with the progressive realities of lung disease. Each and very change to James' independence requires a shift in thinking, or rather a re-framing of the circumstances. We have to rediscover and redefine a sense of normalcy. We have to learn to accept the difficult changes and make a continuous and conscious effort to recognize the small reasons for gratitude. The later can be a challenge, but is essential for getting through the hard days.

James has every right to be feeling down. I'm proud of him for every effort he makes to push himself to feel better, and to make the most out of, well, miserable circumstances. He truly is focusing on everything that is within our control. He is sitting up more often, and even walking around the unit with a walker and oxygen. He always tries to greet me with a smile. We know that these are temporary conditions. It will get better. It has to.